Im having a very angry day. No reason in particular, just really pissed off about this foreign body in me trying to kill me. Not that I have any plans what so ever in letting it suceed, im just really pissed off at it right now. Why me? What did I do? Did I some how deserve to be put through this? All questions running through my head as I get pissed off at the cancer. I didnt invite it, I didnt want it, but I got it anyways. So now im going to do everything I can to book its ass out the door where it came from. I dont need it in my life, I dont want it in my life, so I must get it out fo my life!
One of my concerns going to the future is how I will be defined. It appears that once you have cancer, you are always defined by it. I dont want to be. Maybe thats why we are not telling the whole world I have cancer. The less people know, the less they will judge and apply the cancer label to me. I know things may get tougher as I get treament, might be harder to 'hide'. Might have to let the whole world in and see what happens. But for now I will still try to be me, and not the 'mom with cancer'
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