WOW... so nice to be done. I have my days back. Today, instead of having to go to chemo, which would have been the norm, I got to have a celebration lunch. My mom and I have been going to my aunts house quite regularly on my good weeks, to visit and get out. Today we went for a celebration lunch and I had a wonderful surprise of my hubby showing up with a card and flowers to join us! It was a great way to spend part of my day.
So I figure from this day forward, I will feel better each and every day. No more toxic chemicals entering my body, only out... yeehaa! It feels fantastic!
On an energy level, im not doing to bad. I had three really busy days, and day four I was wiped. Still takes a lot out of me to be doing things, but I keep trying!
Oh, yeah, we booked our trip today!! Going to Peurto Plata for a week! So looking forward to this :)
I will try to keep up on my blog, but I find I forget, especially this time of year. CRAZINESS!!!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
IM DONE!!!
Just had my last treatment today!!!
It was a rough one, but we got through it. My veins are so shot it took 9 hours to get it all done... but we did... get it ALL DONE!!
Now I get to recover and enjoy the next month not doing anything. I see my onc december 30 so we can go over my surveillance plan...
gotta love that we are out of the treatment plan!
Well im tired, and my canucks are playing :)
It was a rough one, but we got through it. My veins are so shot it took 9 hours to get it all done... but we did... get it ALL DONE!!
Now I get to recover and enjoy the next month not doing anything. I see my onc december 30 so we can go over my surveillance plan...
gotta love that we are out of the treatment plan!
Well im tired, and my canucks are playing :)
Monday, November 21, 2011
First scare
Well I had my official first scare of treatment.
Friday night I went to bed and noticed it was getting difficult to breathe. It was a very heavy feeling, and well, just plan not right. I mentioned to hubby and said if this doesnt get better, I should get checked out with all the side effects you may encounter from chemo. (Bleo can cause lung damage) And I was concerned with infection, which we would want to catch early.
So we wake up saturday morning and its the same... dammit I feel, guess we really should get this checked out. So we head over to the local emergency where we get to spend the next 3 hours. After talking with the dr., he orders a chest x-ray, lots of bloodwork and an EKG, my heartrate was 118 when I came in.
Good news... everything came back good, even my heart! He checked for blood clots, and kidney function, infections, everything he could think of. But we still have no idea what caused this. He thought it might be viral, which means it will run its course. Advised me to come back in if it got worse or signs of infection developed. Happy to report its getting better. Still not normal, but much better!
So thats was my first, and hopefully my last scare during treatment!
Friday night I went to bed and noticed it was getting difficult to breathe. It was a very heavy feeling, and well, just plan not right. I mentioned to hubby and said if this doesnt get better, I should get checked out with all the side effects you may encounter from chemo. (Bleo can cause lung damage) And I was concerned with infection, which we would want to catch early.
So we wake up saturday morning and its the same... dammit I feel, guess we really should get this checked out. So we head over to the local emergency where we get to spend the next 3 hours. After talking with the dr., he orders a chest x-ray, lots of bloodwork and an EKG, my heartrate was 118 when I came in.
Good news... everything came back good, even my heart! He checked for blood clots, and kidney function, infections, everything he could think of. But we still have no idea what caused this. He thought it might be viral, which means it will run its course. Advised me to come back in if it got worse or signs of infection developed. Happy to report its getting better. Still not normal, but much better!
So thats was my first, and hopefully my last scare during treatment!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...
but its a dark tunnel to get through still. Thats about how I feel right now. The end is just around the corner, so close I can almost taste it. It just this yucky stuff I need to get through that make the tunnel so dark.
As for my 7th infusion, pretty uneventful compared to last one that I still have a bump from. The Dr. figures its a ruptured vein, and will resolve itself eventually. The problems I did encounter this time were getting my bloodwork done the day before. I had never had bloodwork problem, but she couldn't find a vein and I would not let her at my good side. It needed to be free for the infusion the next day. So she ended up doing a butterfly in my hand, which worked, just a little more painful! Oh, and my infusion took 5.5 hours because we had to wait 45 minutes for the evil drug to arrive! At least my nurse got the vein on the first time and all drugs went in smoothly. We all tell ourselves that we just need my veins to co-operate one more time...
ONE MORE TIME...
ONE MORE TIME...
yep, its good to say that...
I will write at another point on the feelings of being close to being done, but not today... im getting tired, and surprisingly there mixed emotions at being done... since sure, im done chemo soon... but am I even actually done cancer? Food for thought...
As for my 7th infusion, pretty uneventful compared to last one that I still have a bump from. The Dr. figures its a ruptured vein, and will resolve itself eventually. The problems I did encounter this time were getting my bloodwork done the day before. I had never had bloodwork problem, but she couldn't find a vein and I would not let her at my good side. It needed to be free for the infusion the next day. So she ended up doing a butterfly in my hand, which worked, just a little more painful! Oh, and my infusion took 5.5 hours because we had to wait 45 minutes for the evil drug to arrive! At least my nurse got the vein on the first time and all drugs went in smoothly. We all tell ourselves that we just need my veins to co-operate one more time...
ONE MORE TIME...
ONE MORE TIME...
yep, its good to say that...
I will write at another point on the feelings of being close to being done, but not today... im getting tired, and surprisingly there mixed emotions at being done... since sure, im done chemo soon... but am I even actually done cancer? Food for thought...
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
3/4 done...
so Im now done my 3rd cycle. I really wish the process got easier each time, but no, with chemo, everything gets worse each time.
Infusion was an event this time. Even my good nurse had problems with veins... not good... we finally found one that was co-operating. Or so we thought. Enter the evil drug, and it starts to hurt. So I mention this and we up the saline. That made it worse... that has never happened, saline is my magical cure all for pain! SO she comes back and shuts the drug off, slows the saline to a crawl, looks at my vein and says its a good vein, but I think its too small for the load. Guess what that means... yep... over to the other arm we go. This is the comical part for me. She left the original IV in my left arm while she put the right one in (with zero problems I may add). So here I am sitting in the chair, hooked up to an IV in each arm! I told her she did a great job of tying me up, I was going nowhere! So after the right side is going, no pain, the left gets disconnected and we are good to go for the next 2.5 hours of the nasty one. I really hate that final drug I tell ya.
So the last 2 infusions have not been as nice side effect wise either. The ickyness has gotten really bad, even nauseous on a day or two. I did try my rescue meds this time around, but I don't think they helped that much. Not as good as the other stuff I get for the day after, thats for sure.
The countdown is one. ONE CYCLE (2 treatments) to go!! I am so ready to be done with it all! I want to wake up with energy, get back to the gym, live my life!!
On a side note, hubby is home on vaca this week and we (read mostly he) are redoing the kids rooms! Got the boys done today, so now its onto the girls room! So much fun :)
Infusion was an event this time. Even my good nurse had problems with veins... not good... we finally found one that was co-operating. Or so we thought. Enter the evil drug, and it starts to hurt. So I mention this and we up the saline. That made it worse... that has never happened, saline is my magical cure all for pain! SO she comes back and shuts the drug off, slows the saline to a crawl, looks at my vein and says its a good vein, but I think its too small for the load. Guess what that means... yep... over to the other arm we go. This is the comical part for me. She left the original IV in my left arm while she put the right one in (with zero problems I may add). So here I am sitting in the chair, hooked up to an IV in each arm! I told her she did a great job of tying me up, I was going nowhere! So after the right side is going, no pain, the left gets disconnected and we are good to go for the next 2.5 hours of the nasty one. I really hate that final drug I tell ya.
So the last 2 infusions have not been as nice side effect wise either. The ickyness has gotten really bad, even nauseous on a day or two. I did try my rescue meds this time around, but I don't think they helped that much. Not as good as the other stuff I get for the day after, thats for sure.
The countdown is one. ONE CYCLE (2 treatments) to go!! I am so ready to be done with it all! I want to wake up with energy, get back to the gym, live my life!!
On a side note, hubby is home on vaca this week and we (read mostly he) are redoing the kids rooms! Got the boys done today, so now its onto the girls room! So much fun :)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Enjoying my good days
So thats what I have been up to. Quite honestly im getting tired of the same type of blogs coming out. Its good, then bad, repeat. Its annoying to write, so im sure its annoying to read! So im not blogging as much. I am getting through the bad days as best I can, and trying to enjoy my good days to the fullest.
So in part of those good days, I went to vancouver with my hubby for the night. He was going work related, so I just tagged along. We had a great night last night watching the hockey game, even though our beloved Canucks didn't win. We were glad we didnt end up forking over way too much money for tickets though. We would love to go and see a game, but for some reason has super expensive tickets!|So we watched the game and had dinner instead. It was nice to get out, and not too overwhelming (well it was as first when it was super busy when we arrived, but it did quiet down as people left to go to the game, since we were only a couple blocks away from all the action)
This morning I woke up and relaxed a little, then went over to the shopping center for a couple hours. It was nice to get out and feel human, especially since my rough days are getting rougher! We stayed at an amazing hotel, and that was a great experience itself!
So im just heading into my good week, and I feel pretty darn good... might try to do something fun this weekend as well!
So in part of those good days, I went to vancouver with my hubby for the night. He was going work related, so I just tagged along. We had a great night last night watching the hockey game, even though our beloved Canucks didn't win. We were glad we didnt end up forking over way too much money for tickets though. We would love to go and see a game, but for some reason has super expensive tickets!|So we watched the game and had dinner instead. It was nice to get out, and not too overwhelming (well it was as first when it was super busy when we arrived, but it did quiet down as people left to go to the game, since we were only a couple blocks away from all the action)
This morning I woke up and relaxed a little, then went over to the shopping center for a couple hours. It was nice to get out and feel human, especially since my rough days are getting rougher! We stayed at an amazing hotel, and that was a great experience itself!
So im just heading into my good week, and I feel pretty darn good... might try to do something fun this weekend as well!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Past the half-way mark!
Yeah!! 5 down, 3 to go... I CAN DO THIS!!!
I had issues with my veins again. Starting to argue with my nurses a little about it. They are insisting that my veins are not going to make it. They want a PICC line or a port installed. I do not want either of these. I dont want the PICC because the dressing need changed every week, and handling the appointments I currently have is enough. The port I do not want because its more surgery. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!! So this is now a little battle. I keep reminding them I onlt have 3 treatments left. I do not need these things. Just deal with the veins I have! My nurse yesterday was really bad. And she didnt listen to me. Not helpful. I have 4 pokes in my arm this time. Im not sure what she was thinking to begin with. My cocktail is very strong and needs a good vein to start with. When she put the warm towel on to start, it was over my hand, so I mentioned we go up the arm, and showed her how high. |So she moved the towel a bit and just said it all had to get warm anyways. So I show her the area we need to find a vein. She did 2 pokes with no success, so then goes lower and pokes me. I then have to tell her again we cannot go that low because it causes the intense arm pain for a week a week after treatment! So finally she calls the other nurse over, who checks both sides, finds the side she like best, and with one poke is in a good higher vein! I am getting really annoyed with the nurses who dont know where to go or refuse to let anyone else try before they do. As far as im concerned, leave it to the ones who know where my veins are. Grrr... just had to vent a bit there!
So, 3 more treatments, then I learn the follow-up plan, which sounds pretty intensive for at least the first year, which is great, and I will be closely watched for the rest of my life! Looking forward to a big celebration when all is said and done, including a trip to the tropics in the new year if everything works out with babysitters!
I had issues with my veins again. Starting to argue with my nurses a little about it. They are insisting that my veins are not going to make it. They want a PICC line or a port installed. I do not want either of these. I dont want the PICC because the dressing need changed every week, and handling the appointments I currently have is enough. The port I do not want because its more surgery. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!! So this is now a little battle. I keep reminding them I onlt have 3 treatments left. I do not need these things. Just deal with the veins I have! My nurse yesterday was really bad. And she didnt listen to me. Not helpful. I have 4 pokes in my arm this time. Im not sure what she was thinking to begin with. My cocktail is very strong and needs a good vein to start with. When she put the warm towel on to start, it was over my hand, so I mentioned we go up the arm, and showed her how high. |So she moved the towel a bit and just said it all had to get warm anyways. So I show her the area we need to find a vein. She did 2 pokes with no success, so then goes lower and pokes me. I then have to tell her again we cannot go that low because it causes the intense arm pain for a week a week after treatment! So finally she calls the other nurse over, who checks both sides, finds the side she like best, and with one poke is in a good higher vein! I am getting really annoyed with the nurses who dont know where to go or refuse to let anyone else try before they do. As far as im concerned, leave it to the ones who know where my veins are. Grrr... just had to vent a bit there!
So, 3 more treatments, then I learn the follow-up plan, which sounds pretty intensive for at least the first year, which is great, and I will be closely watched for the rest of my life! Looking forward to a big celebration when all is said and done, including a trip to the tropics in the new year if everything works out with babysitters!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Doing the happy dance!
That sums up today!
Went to the dr. for my pre-cycle check up and PET results. The scan was clean! No signs on cancer! Can you say WooHoo!!!
So now we just keep on the same plan, 2 more cycles of chemo (4 treatments, 2 more months) and I am done!
Its nice to know that all this crap I have been going through is working! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. It is a bright, shining light that says your done!
Dinner is ready so im keeping this short!
Chemo again tomorrow... but its worth it!!!
Went to the dr. for my pre-cycle check up and PET results. The scan was clean! No signs on cancer! Can you say WooHoo!!!
So now we just keep on the same plan, 2 more cycles of chemo (4 treatments, 2 more months) and I am done!
Its nice to know that all this crap I have been going through is working! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. It is a bright, shining light that says your done!
Dinner is ready so im keeping this short!
Chemo again tomorrow... but its worth it!!!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Can I get off the rollercoaster now?
WOW.... thats about all I can say. Its hard to believe that my 1/2 scan is this week. The time has gone by a lot faster than I expected, but man am I going through the ringer. All weekend I have wanted to blog, but not had the energy. I had another breakdown over the weekend as well. This all really sucks! It seems when im good, im really quite good, but when im bad... OMG watch out!!
So hence the roller coaster I would like to get off. I didn't realize how cyclic everything would be. |But my life right now is exactly like living on a roller coaster, but I cant get off of it yet. Big ups followed by the crashes towards earth going 100 mph and screaming for dear life, only to get lifted up once again. Its really tough to live your life whilst on a roller coaster. At least I know when the ups and downs should be, so I can try to accommodate my life around those.
The fatigue is lasting longer these days, which really sucks. Instead of a bad Saturday, I now have a bad weekend :( This is not fair to me or my family, but we deal. (or in my case I flip out and start throwing things and banging doors and acting like a 3 year old!) But I found it helped to let out the anger and cry for a while. Needed a release I suppose!
Heading over to the mainland on Thursday for my PET scan. I know a lot of people get really anxious at this point, but so far im chill. I|f its a bad scan we move on the plan B, if its good it means 2 more months on the roller coaster. But I find to worry about it will solve nothing, probably just make me crazy, so why bother worrying about something you can\t change!
Hubby is taking me over and we are going to stay overnight. For one it will be nice to escape for a night, 2, we are bringing my sister home for thanksgiving, 3, its too long of a day for me to go over, get my scan, get back on one day!!
\Hope to get some shopping in while we are in the city, and maybe hit up the casino if I feel up to it! Then we will come home and have a nice thanksgiving weekend!
Ok, I think thats all for now... the roller coaster has already crashed down so now we are making our war back up to the top!
So hence the roller coaster I would like to get off. I didn't realize how cyclic everything would be. |But my life right now is exactly like living on a roller coaster, but I cant get off of it yet. Big ups followed by the crashes towards earth going 100 mph and screaming for dear life, only to get lifted up once again. Its really tough to live your life whilst on a roller coaster. At least I know when the ups and downs should be, so I can try to accommodate my life around those.
The fatigue is lasting longer these days, which really sucks. Instead of a bad Saturday, I now have a bad weekend :( This is not fair to me or my family, but we deal. (or in my case I flip out and start throwing things and banging doors and acting like a 3 year old!) But I found it helped to let out the anger and cry for a while. Needed a release I suppose!
Heading over to the mainland on Thursday for my PET scan. I know a lot of people get really anxious at this point, but so far im chill. I|f its a bad scan we move on the plan B, if its good it means 2 more months on the roller coaster. But I find to worry about it will solve nothing, probably just make me crazy, so why bother worrying about something you can\t change!
Hubby is taking me over and we are going to stay overnight. For one it will be nice to escape for a night, 2, we are bringing my sister home for thanksgiving, 3, its too long of a day for me to go over, get my scan, get back on one day!!
\Hope to get some shopping in while we are in the city, and maybe hit up the casino if I feel up to it! Then we will come home and have a nice thanksgiving weekend!
Ok, I think thats all for now... the roller coaster has already crashed down so now we are making our war back up to the top!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
I made it to my 1/2 way mark!!
Woohoo!!!!
Half way done killing this beast inside me!
Treatment today was not as smooth as my other times. My veins decided to be uncooperative. Took 3 needles, 1/2 hour and 2 nurses to get good vein. If getting the good vein keeps the pain away in a week, then its worth it! I want to have another good week after I recover here!
gonna keep this short as my brain isn't reaching the keyboard to well... thank goodness for spellcheck!
Oh... PET scan next week... looking forward to some good results!!
Half way done killing this beast inside me!
Treatment today was not as smooth as my other times. My veins decided to be uncooperative. Took 3 needles, 1/2 hour and 2 nurses to get good vein. If getting the good vein keeps the pain away in a week, then its worth it! I want to have another good week after I recover here!
gonna keep this short as my brain isn't reaching the keyboard to well... thank goodness for spellcheck!
Oh... PET scan next week... looking forward to some good results!!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Had a very good week!
So the past week has been a good one for me! It seems so weird to be writing that after the past 6 weeks beforehand not being all that pleasant, even in my good week!
So this week I had zero pain!! Woohoo!!! And my energy levels seemed to be higher than before as well. That may be in part that I was not in pain!
So today I spent a couple hours out scrapbooking after I went to the gym to say hi to my old workout buddies! It was nice to say hi to everyone, even though I couldn't stay and work out. That is a part of my life I really miss right now.
Been out shopping a few times over the week as well which has been fun! I found a great new scarf for my head too!
Oh, yea, my mother looked at my hair the other night and says " you look like a porcupine with a haircut" We all laughed so hard! So here is the porcupine hair!
I look so much balder on these pictures!! Or maybe the mirror lies to me, lol
So all in all I did have a good week. People are amazed at how good I look and how well I am tolerating treatment. The bad days are bad, I know that, as do my close friends and family. But this week the good days were really good!
So this week I had zero pain!! Woohoo!!! And my energy levels seemed to be higher than before as well. That may be in part that I was not in pain!
So today I spent a couple hours out scrapbooking after I went to the gym to say hi to my old workout buddies! It was nice to say hi to everyone, even though I couldn't stay and work out. That is a part of my life I really miss right now.
Been out shopping a few times over the week as well which has been fun! I found a great new scarf for my head too!
Oh, yea, my mother looked at my hair the other night and says " you look like a porcupine with a haircut" We all laughed so hard! So here is the porcupine hair!
So all in all I did have a good week. People are amazed at how good I look and how well I am tolerating treatment. The bad days are bad, I know that, as do my close friends and family. But this week the good days were really good!
Monday, September 19, 2011
I am slowly going crazy....
or is that fastly going crazy! I am going absolutely bonkers right now. My mind is back to racing and wanting to do all the stuff I used to be able to do. The body is back in un-cooperate mode. This makes for me going stir crazy!!!
I have not been sleeping well at night, everything and anything seems to wake me up now... very annoying to say the least! And then during the day I cannot sleep (never have been able to), so I feel like I am at the losing end of the battle here.
All I want to do is something!! But I have zero energy!! Im tired of sitting on the couch!! AHHHHHHH
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR
OK, that makes me feel a little better.
Oh, and on another note... chemo brain, yep, it does exist!
I have not been sleeping well at night, everything and anything seems to wake me up now... very annoying to say the least! And then during the day I cannot sleep (never have been able to), so I feel like I am at the losing end of the battle here.
All I want to do is something!! But I have zero energy!! Im tired of sitting on the couch!! AHHHHHHH
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR
OK, that makes me feel a little better.
Oh, and on another note... chemo brain, yep, it does exist!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Treatment #3
is done!!! Almost at my 1/2 way point... I can't wait!!
So today was like the others... hooked up to the IV for about 5 hours. All the injections went well. We found a juicy vein to try to help with the pain I have been having following. If in doubt, I do have the good painkillers now!!
A little more tired after this time around. I guess it really does start to hit you harder the more you go through it. I am enjoying the part of treatment where my hubby and I sit and watch a new release movie. This week we watched Thor... really enjoyed it! I find it helps to take the mind off what you are doing there... my advice would be to take a movie if anyone reading this has to go through the long infusions!
Time to get back to doing nothing, lol... thanks to my wonderful family I have the luxury of R&R whenever I need it. This is the most invaluable thing for me :)
So today was like the others... hooked up to the IV for about 5 hours. All the injections went well. We found a juicy vein to try to help with the pain I have been having following. If in doubt, I do have the good painkillers now!!
A little more tired after this time around. I guess it really does start to hit you harder the more you go through it. I am enjoying the part of treatment where my hubby and I sit and watch a new release movie. This week we watched Thor... really enjoyed it! I find it helps to take the mind off what you are doing there... my advice would be to take a movie if anyone reading this has to go through the long infusions!
Time to get back to doing nothing, lol... thanks to my wonderful family I have the luxury of R&R whenever I need it. This is the most invaluable thing for me :)
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Check-up #1
Just got back from my first check- up since I started chemo.
The bad news is, yep, im gaining weight. Not everybody loses weight while on chemo... sounds like lots are actually in the same boat as me, so thats good to hear! I figure its better to eat now while I want to just incase thats changes down the road!
The good news... my nodes are shrinking. The dr. is pretty confident right now that the treatment is working. This is quite a relief. We of course wont know anything for sure until my PET scan next month, but he did seem quite happy with the progress so far.
As for my side effects, we are still going to try to mix up things a little tomorrow to see if we can actually avoid the arm I pain get. He figures its vein pain and phlebitis. Looking at the rest of the effects he says I am doing quite well in that department as well... yah!!
So go me... I am going through hell for a good reason!
The bad news is, yep, im gaining weight. Not everybody loses weight while on chemo... sounds like lots are actually in the same boat as me, so thats good to hear! I figure its better to eat now while I want to just incase thats changes down the road!
The good news... my nodes are shrinking. The dr. is pretty confident right now that the treatment is working. This is quite a relief. We of course wont know anything for sure until my PET scan next month, but he did seem quite happy with the progress so far.
As for my side effects, we are still going to try to mix up things a little tomorrow to see if we can actually avoid the arm I pain get. He figures its vein pain and phlebitis. Looking at the rest of the effects he says I am doing quite well in that department as well... yah!!
So go me... I am going through hell for a good reason!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
It's all going away...
My hair that is... not that is much left to lose now. It has been falling out with a vengeance the last couple of days. Woke up this morning to lots of little hairs all over my pillow... ewww.....
Even though this is all expected to happen, it does still suck. I know my head has a nice shape, and it looks pretty good shaved... but im still worried how it will actually look completely bald... need to learn how to do a scarf thing for my head... internet research here I come!
As for my pain issues, went to the walk in clinic friday for some help. We have me on Percocet now for the pain. It helps. My pain isnt lasting as long as last time either, so thats nice. Starting to feel better all ready...
More tired this time around though... maybe i pushing myself too much... who knows!
Even though this is all expected to happen, it does still suck. I know my head has a nice shape, and it looks pretty good shaved... but im still worried how it will actually look completely bald... need to learn how to do a scarf thing for my head... internet research here I come!
As for my pain issues, went to the walk in clinic friday for some help. We have me on Percocet now for the pain. It helps. My pain isnt lasting as long as last time either, so thats nice. Starting to feel better all ready...
More tired this time around though... maybe i pushing myself too much... who knows!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
This pain can kiss my ass
Well, some things I am finding come around like clockwork while your on chemo. The most annoying thing is this stupid nerve pain I get in my arm on day 7. It really sucks. And if its like last time it will start to go away right in time for my next infusion. And then the cycle starts again. For my bad week I have no pain, so my good week I am in pain. This really sucks!
So besides the pain I am doing good right now. Had a great day today with friends. Loving the hot weather even though the sun and I don't get along so well anymore.
Well the pain is flaring up so im keeping it short... goodnight :)
So besides the pain I am doing good right now. Had a great day today with friends. Loving the hot weather even though the sun and I don't get along so well anymore.
Well the pain is flaring up so im keeping it short... goodnight :)
Monday, September 5, 2011
Saying goodbye to the mohawk!
SO I had to say goodbye to my awesome mohawk this morning. It was getting to be to hard to style. I would put in the gel and end up with a handful of hair... ewwww...
So here is the shaved head... not as bad as I would have thought!!
And my hubby said its nice and easy to shave, no funny bumps, so thats nice to know!
And my hubby said its nice and easy to shave, no funny bumps, so thats nice to know!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
I HATE THIS!!!!
Yep, that sums up the last couple of days. After the treatment the weekend of hell follows. So tired, fatigued, angry, emotional, pissed off... you name it, I feel it.
The hardest part is the kids. My patience level is zero, I can't stand the littlest things like loud talking, then I loose it. Thankfully I can sit down with the kids and remind them how much I love them, that none of this it their fault. We all have to remember this hell I am going through is temporary, but not short enough as far as im concerned right now.
My hubby has taken the kids swimming again... its great... just wish I could join them. Its hard to be standing on the outside, watching the world you once were part of go by. I dont have the energy to do anything right now, climbing the stairs is a chore.
So yep... I HATE THIS... but i'm allowed to, because it really does suck... so much sometimes I can't even put it into words.
The hardest part is the kids. My patience level is zero, I can't stand the littlest things like loud talking, then I loose it. Thankfully I can sit down with the kids and remind them how much I love them, that none of this it their fault. We all have to remember this hell I am going through is temporary, but not short enough as far as im concerned right now.
My hubby has taken the kids swimming again... its great... just wish I could join them. Its hard to be standing on the outside, watching the world you once were part of go by. I dont have the energy to do anything right now, climbing the stairs is a chore.
So yep... I HATE THIS... but i'm allowed to, because it really does suck... so much sometimes I can't even put it into words.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Ahhhhh Sleep is a wonderful thing!
So I had a much better sleep last night. Slept like a baby for 8.5 hours!! It was so nice to wake up and feel kinda refreshed.
So now im waiting for the heavy fatigue to set in. I find it usually hits today at some point, im thinking it because I dont take the steroid after last night... its the one that causes insomnia and keeps me going a little during the day.
On a very positive note, still no nausea!! The drugs in that department work wonders... maybe too well, as I am afraid to step on a scale with the way I eat recently!! Guess its much better than the alternative though!
Another positive thing right now is the great support I am getting from friends... some of these friends were more of an acquaintance to start, and now some great friendships are forming... you know who are you are and I am thankful to you for coming into my life right now instead of running away :)
So now im waiting for the heavy fatigue to set in. I find it usually hits today at some point, im thinking it because I dont take the steroid after last night... its the one that causes insomnia and keeps me going a little during the day.
On a very positive note, still no nausea!! The drugs in that department work wonders... maybe too well, as I am afraid to step on a scale with the way I eat recently!! Guess its much better than the alternative though!
Another positive thing right now is the great support I am getting from friends... some of these friends were more of an acquaintance to start, and now some great friendships are forming... you know who are you are and I am thankful to you for coming into my life right now instead of running away :)
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Rough night last night
Had a very rough night last night. Started with an emotional breakdown at bedtime. Just going through my normal bedtime routine and I start crying. No real reason except that I am 31 with cancer, and it sucks!! I guess that enough to make anyone breakdown every once and awhile.
If that wasn't bad enough, I had insomia, which lead to a crappy 4 hours of split sleep... damn drugs! And while I was awake I had heartburn, damn spaghetti, lol
So today my head is doing ok, but man am I tired.
I started a book last night that was recommended. Its called 'Everything Changes - the insiders guide to cancer in your 20s and 30s'. So far its good, but not something I can sit and read cover to cover, but its nice to hear other peoples stories and know you are not alone in all the challenges you face while dealing with cancer so young.
And on the young note, still the youngest around getting treatment. The others receiving treatment have at least 20 years on me... at this point I don't know if they are looking at me cause im young or if its the mohawk, lol...
If that wasn't bad enough, I had insomia, which lead to a crappy 4 hours of split sleep... damn drugs! And while I was awake I had heartburn, damn spaghetti, lol
So today my head is doing ok, but man am I tired.
I started a book last night that was recommended. Its called 'Everything Changes - the insiders guide to cancer in your 20s and 30s'. So far its good, but not something I can sit and read cover to cover, but its nice to hear other peoples stories and know you are not alone in all the challenges you face while dealing with cancer so young.
And on the young note, still the youngest around getting treatment. The others receiving treatment have at least 20 years on me... at this point I don't know if they are looking at me cause im young or if its the mohawk, lol...
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Cycle 1 done!!
WOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!
1/4 of the way done my treatment. Each treatment is a step closer to being rid of this nastiness inside me. Bring it on!
As for the treatment itself, it went pretty good. The 'D' drug is the one that gives me trouble with pain, so we mixed things up a little today with the hopes of no pain in a week. Only time will tell. Lots of saline with it again, so im nicely hydrated :)
The fatigue truck hit sooner this time. Started to feel tired during treatment. The nurses are amazed I don't fall asleep, im thinking it may happen one day. Guess the affects of fatigue hit you faster with each treatment.
Well thats about all for now... im tired...
1/4 of the way done my treatment. Each treatment is a step closer to being rid of this nastiness inside me. Bring it on!
As for the treatment itself, it went pretty good. The 'D' drug is the one that gives me trouble with pain, so we mixed things up a little today with the hopes of no pain in a week. Only time will tell. Lots of saline with it again, so im nicely hydrated :)
The fatigue truck hit sooner this time. Started to feel tired during treatment. The nurses are amazed I don't fall asleep, im thinking it may happen one day. Guess the affects of fatigue hit you faster with each treatment.
Well thats about all for now... im tired...
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Getting ready for #2
Tomorrow morning is treatment #2. Not too worried about it as I now know what to expect.
Decided to go even funkier with the hair, as body hair is starting to go already. I was a little surprised, as it happened a couple days earlier than I expected.
On a positive note, the arm pain has subsided quite a bit... painkillers help lots for when it hits though!
Its nice to know that my head isn't funny shaped!!
Decided to go even funkier with the hair, as body hair is starting to go already. I was a little surprised, as it happened a couple days earlier than I expected.
On a positive note, the arm pain has subsided quite a bit... painkillers help lots for when it hits though!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
On the upswing!!
WOOHOO!!!!
I have energy again!! It is so nice to be able to get off the couch and do things. I am still taking it easy, but not feeling like the walking dead is wonderful, and I will enjoy it as long as I can!
The last 3 days have been pretty busy for me, playdates for the kids, some park time, and we even ventured to walmart after I saw the DR today (more on that soon). We were out for about 3 hours and I actually felt good the whole time. Im a little tired now, but I guess thats to be expected. Spent 4 hours at a friends house yesterday and the kids had a blast in the pool and on the trampoline. Im very fortunate to have some people in my life reaching out right now. Its wonderful!!
Ok, back to the dr. thing. For the past couple days my arm (the IV one), has been hurting. The pain started to spread and get more intense so I called the lovely onc. nurses, who didn't have much to say besides call your GP, they might be able to figure it out. So I went to my wonderful GP this morning, explained the pain. She checked for obvious signs of infection or reaction and saw none. |So we still don't know 'what' is causing the pain, but we think its chemo related. Almost feels like nerve pain, so who knows. So the solution for now is to treat the pain. Let the onc people know on my next visit whats up!
Hopefully the pain wont stay too long, its my right arm and im right handed... it does cause a bit of a problem I tell ya!! Next infusion they can bully the left side!!
I have energy again!! It is so nice to be able to get off the couch and do things. I am still taking it easy, but not feeling like the walking dead is wonderful, and I will enjoy it as long as I can!
The last 3 days have been pretty busy for me, playdates for the kids, some park time, and we even ventured to walmart after I saw the DR today (more on that soon). We were out for about 3 hours and I actually felt good the whole time. Im a little tired now, but I guess thats to be expected. Spent 4 hours at a friends house yesterday and the kids had a blast in the pool and on the trampoline. Im very fortunate to have some people in my life reaching out right now. Its wonderful!!
Ok, back to the dr. thing. For the past couple days my arm (the IV one), has been hurting. The pain started to spread and get more intense so I called the lovely onc. nurses, who didn't have much to say besides call your GP, they might be able to figure it out. So I went to my wonderful GP this morning, explained the pain. She checked for obvious signs of infection or reaction and saw none. |So we still don't know 'what' is causing the pain, but we think its chemo related. Almost feels like nerve pain, so who knows. So the solution for now is to treat the pain. Let the onc people know on my next visit whats up!
Hopefully the pain wont stay too long, its my right arm and im right handed... it does cause a bit of a problem I tell ya!! Next infusion they can bully the left side!!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Quick update
cause thats all I can manage right now. I am still alive and kicking... well, not kicking thats for sure. Holy shit is all I can say about this fatigue! I was expecting to be a little tired... I was not expecting this. I kinda feel like the walking dead. But my mind is there... its up and ready to go and my body is not into responding at all... bummer dude...
On a positive note we had my sons birthday today. It was a nice and small family affair which was perfect. Since apparently me sitting on my ass doing nothing wears me out!! Ok, enough now. We did have a great party, the kids had fun and he got spoiled!
Now... this does get better right? The truck will back off of me at some point?
I sure hope so... goodnight :)
On a positive note we had my sons birthday today. It was a nice and small family affair which was perfect. Since apparently me sitting on my ass doing nothing wears me out!! Ok, enough now. We did have a great party, the kids had fun and he got spoiled!
Now... this does get better right? The truck will back off of me at some point?
I sure hope so... goodnight :)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
1 down...
Today was my first chemo... yeah for starting!! As you might be able to tell since i am on the board already it went pretty good. They have me on 3 anti-nauseants and a 4th to take if I get any of that 'breakthrough nausea'. So far my head feels a little foggy and im getting a little tired.
Had a wonderful nurse this morning as well which helped lots. Had some stinging issues with the last drip but then they figured it was more concentrated than they usually do it so just had saline at the same time and all was good.
The nurse said I had enough fluids to last the whole day, lol.
I ate a lite lunch, and hope to eat dinner as well... not really hungry though, probably all the fluid they gave me!
Now I think it may be time to sit back, sip some apple juice for that dry mouth I feel a coming on, and read some of my book.
If I can feel like this all through treatment, im set!!
Had a wonderful nurse this morning as well which helped lots. Had some stinging issues with the last drip but then they figured it was more concentrated than they usually do it so just had saline at the same time and all was good.
The nurse said I had enough fluids to last the whole day, lol.
I ate a lite lunch, and hope to eat dinner as well... not really hungry though, probably all the fluid they gave me!
Now I think it may be time to sit back, sip some apple juice for that dry mouth I feel a coming on, and read some of my book.
If I can feel like this all through treatment, im set!!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Can you say STRESSED!!!
OK, I'm a little stressed... to put it mildly that is. I start my treatment in 2 days, so I'm freaking out. I almost wish it had been something where they diagnose you and bam you are in treatment. All this waiting around is making me go insane!
The more time that goes by, the more crap I read on the Internet. Sure its a great fountain of information, but i am thinking that maybe there is too much information out there. I have joined a couple for forums, which are great, they really are, don't get me wrong. But one of them really gets to me some days. I am just started out on this "adventure?" and there are so many unknowns in my future. Then I hop over to the message boards to see whats going on and the reality of what could happen jumps out at me. People who lost their fight with this stupid disease, people who relapse, have complications... it goes on and on... and frankly it scares the shit out of me.
I have now tried to start picking and choosing which posts I read, but its hard. I am very curious by nature and like to know everything going on... this does not help with the stress of my situation!
Its hard to believe I feel like this now when I haven't even started treatment... how will I feel during? After? What the hell does the future actually hold for me?
Sometimes the anger comes out. My wonderful family Dr. tells me that is good. She would be worried if I had no emotions at this point in my life... since we have come to the conclusion I am a very emotional person (might not have been suffering depression after all!!) So I guess it is OK to be angry, sad, frustrated... and so on...
But why do I feel I always need to happy mask on? I am not at all pleased about this current situation, but will try to pretend I am... now I wonder for whose benefit? Mine? My family's? My friends?
I DON'T KNOW!!!
Yep, I'm STRESSED !
The more time that goes by, the more crap I read on the Internet. Sure its a great fountain of information, but i am thinking that maybe there is too much information out there. I have joined a couple for forums, which are great, they really are, don't get me wrong. But one of them really gets to me some days. I am just started out on this "adventure?" and there are so many unknowns in my future. Then I hop over to the message boards to see whats going on and the reality of what could happen jumps out at me. People who lost their fight with this stupid disease, people who relapse, have complications... it goes on and on... and frankly it scares the shit out of me.
I have now tried to start picking and choosing which posts I read, but its hard. I am very curious by nature and like to know everything going on... this does not help with the stress of my situation!
Its hard to believe I feel like this now when I haven't even started treatment... how will I feel during? After? What the hell does the future actually hold for me?
Sometimes the anger comes out. My wonderful family Dr. tells me that is good. She would be worried if I had no emotions at this point in my life... since we have come to the conclusion I am a very emotional person (might not have been suffering depression after all!!) So I guess it is OK to be angry, sad, frustrated... and so on...
But why do I feel I always need to happy mask on? I am not at all pleased about this current situation, but will try to pretend I am... now I wonder for whose benefit? Mine? My family's? My friends?
I DON'T KNOW!!!
Yep, I'm STRESSED !
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Getting closer...
I am also finding lots of great websites and groups with people just like me. I find this very helpful right now. Its nice to know your not alone!!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Chopped the Hair
Well I chopped off my hair... a little early I know, but it was really the only time I could get it done before I start treatment. It is short and spiky, kinda cute. I also have some funky colors I am currently playing with. If I ever figure out how to post pics to the blog you may see the before and after pics!!
Surprisingly enough, thats all I have to say :)
Surprisingly enough, thats all I have to say :)
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Back from Vegas... back to reality
Well I must start off saying that my hubby and I had a wonderful time in Vegas. One week with no kids and no worries is just what was needed right now. We spent a lot of time at the pool just doing nothing. Having nothing to think about for a week was pure bliss, of course now it back to reality.
Ahhhhhh..... wish I could go back tomorrow.
So I have dates... they are coming soon and starting to freak me out a little. My son's birthday is 2 days after my first scheduled treatment. His party is planned for the 3rd day after. I hope treatment goes well or my hubby has a party to put on!!
I say first scheduled treatment because I meet with a new onc the day before. I guess they will be caring for me during treatment since I am being treated at a different hospital (different city) than my original onc. Really not sure whats going on there. So anyways, I meet with s/he the day before, and if they clear me then I start the next day.
On tuesday I get to go to an information session on chemo. I hope it will be informative and helpful but who knows... I was just told to show up.
On a weird and almost humorous note, I received mail from the cancer agency while I was away... it was a prescription... kind of blew me away that they would just send me a prescription in the mail with no note or anything!! So I got them filled and the nice pharmacist was able to fill in my blanks... my anti-nauseants and a steroid type drug. I take them before chemo and every 12 hours after as needed... I hope it can be as little as possible.
Ok, now that I feel I have written a book I am saying goodnight...
Ahhhhhh..... wish I could go back tomorrow.
So I have dates... they are coming soon and starting to freak me out a little. My son's birthday is 2 days after my first scheduled treatment. His party is planned for the 3rd day after. I hope treatment goes well or my hubby has a party to put on!!
I say first scheduled treatment because I meet with a new onc the day before. I guess they will be caring for me during treatment since I am being treated at a different hospital (different city) than my original onc. Really not sure whats going on there. So anyways, I meet with s/he the day before, and if they clear me then I start the next day.
On tuesday I get to go to an information session on chemo. I hope it will be informative and helpful but who knows... I was just told to show up.
On a weird and almost humorous note, I received mail from the cancer agency while I was away... it was a prescription... kind of blew me away that they would just send me a prescription in the mail with no note or anything!! So I got them filled and the nice pharmacist was able to fill in my blanks... my anti-nauseants and a steroid type drug. I take them before chemo and every 12 hours after as needed... I hope it can be as little as possible.
Ok, now that I feel I have written a book I am saying goodnight...
Friday, July 22, 2011
As good as we could have hoped :)
We had a pretty good visit with the oncologist today. I was staged 2a just as I had anticipated. He informed us that my cure rate is greater than 90%. I couldn't really ask for a better prognosis :)
My treatment will start in a couple of weeks, so hubby and I are able to escape for a week before I start. When I mentioned we wanted to go away before treatment he was good with it. Told me to let the other hospital (where I will be treated) know when they phone when I am available to start!
The treatment will be 4 cycles of ABVD chemotherapy. After 2 cycles I get a PET scan, and if its clear we finish with the last 2 and I am done!! The thing that surprised me about the chemo is that I recieve treatment on day 1 and day 15, and that makes up my first cycle. Only 2 actual days of treatment each cycle!! I was stoked to learn this! (can't you tell)
So early next week me and hubby take off for a week of relaxation. Needless to say I might not be blogging much!!
My treatment will start in a couple of weeks, so hubby and I are able to escape for a week before I start. When I mentioned we wanted to go away before treatment he was good with it. Told me to let the other hospital (where I will be treated) know when they phone when I am available to start!
The treatment will be 4 cycles of ABVD chemotherapy. After 2 cycles I get a PET scan, and if its clear we finish with the last 2 and I am done!! The thing that surprised me about the chemo is that I recieve treatment on day 1 and day 15, and that makes up my first cycle. Only 2 actual days of treatment each cycle!! I was stoked to learn this! (can't you tell)
So early next week me and hubby take off for a week of relaxation. Needless to say I might not be blogging much!!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
A little nervous
I have my first oncology appointment tomorrow. Hard to explain how I feel. I am very nervous as they have not staged me yet. I have my guesses, but who really knows what they will say!! I figure we will go over a plan for treatment as well which kinda freaks me out. To talk about treating this actually means I can't run and pretend its going to go away. I am going to have to face reality, as much as it really does suck.
On a side note, my hubby and I talked today, and have decided that once I start treatment, we are going to shave my head with the kids. We think it will be less traumatic for them if we just shave it instead of it all falling out in clumps. My thoughts were to just cut it short, but he thinks shaving it will be more fun. I think he just wants to shave my head, lol...
Anyways, I will update this tomorrow after my appoinment. We are really hoping I have a week or two before I start treatment for some very selfish reasons... we want to go on one last holiday before I start treament!! The original plan was the last 2 weeks of august, but that will probably not be an option, so now we are hoping for maybe a week right now. Guess we will find out tomorrow!!
On a side note, my hubby and I talked today, and have decided that once I start treatment, we are going to shave my head with the kids. We think it will be less traumatic for them if we just shave it instead of it all falling out in clumps. My thoughts were to just cut it short, but he thinks shaving it will be more fun. I think he just wants to shave my head, lol...
Anyways, I will update this tomorrow after my appoinment. We are really hoping I have a week or two before I start treatment for some very selfish reasons... we want to go on one last holiday before I start treament!! The original plan was the last 2 weeks of august, but that will probably not be an option, so now we are hoping for maybe a week right now. Guess we will find out tomorrow!!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Angry (just need to vent)
Im having a very angry day. No reason in particular, just really pissed off about this foreign body in me trying to kill me. Not that I have any plans what so ever in letting it suceed, im just really pissed off at it right now. Why me? What did I do? Did I some how deserve to be put through this? All questions running through my head as I get pissed off at the cancer. I didnt invite it, I didnt want it, but I got it anyways. So now im going to do everything I can to book its ass out the door where it came from. I dont need it in my life, I dont want it in my life, so I must get it out fo my life!
One of my concerns going to the future is how I will be defined. It appears that once you have cancer, you are always defined by it. I dont want to be. Maybe thats why we are not telling the whole world I have cancer. The less people know, the less they will judge and apply the cancer label to me. I know things may get tougher as I get treament, might be harder to 'hide'. Might have to let the whole world in and see what happens. But for now I will still try to be me, and not the 'mom with cancer'
One of my concerns going to the future is how I will be defined. It appears that once you have cancer, you are always defined by it. I dont want to be. Maybe thats why we are not telling the whole world I have cancer. The less people know, the less they will judge and apply the cancer label to me. I know things may get tougher as I get treament, might be harder to 'hide'. Might have to let the whole world in and see what happens. But for now I will still try to be me, and not the 'mom with cancer'
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The waiting game...
there will be a lot of that in the months to come I understand. Right now I am waiting for my first oncology appoinment to find out EXACTLY what I am dealing/faced with. So far I know I have hodgkins lymphoma, nodular sclerosing. Thats all I have been told. So I have been doing lots of research, joining forums, and whatever else I can do to try to prepare myself for the journey I am about to/just have embarked on. Not a journey that I ever thought I would have to take, but who does... cancer seems to attack anyone it wants for no real reason in a lot of cases. Mine is one of those, no one know what causes HL, just one of the 'luck of the draws' I guess.
Dealing with this has not been easy though... still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have cancer. I have a very supportive family which is great, but im the type that doesnt want to burden them with all the thoughts going around in my head. Its a terrifying place to be right now, and trying to sort out the rational and irrational fears surrounding my diagnosis has been difficult.
Im going to leave this post on one final note... never tell anyone with HL they have the 'good cancer'. This is a common response because it has a good treatment outcome with most cases. Not ALL cases... and just because the treatment is highly successful doesnt mean the treatment is good. From everything I have read so far, it sucks, big time.
Dealing with this has not been easy though... still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have cancer. I have a very supportive family which is great, but im the type that doesnt want to burden them with all the thoughts going around in my head. Its a terrifying place to be right now, and trying to sort out the rational and irrational fears surrounding my diagnosis has been difficult.
Im going to leave this post on one final note... never tell anyone with HL they have the 'good cancer'. This is a common response because it has a good treatment outcome with most cases. Not ALL cases... and just because the treatment is highly successful doesnt mean the treatment is good. From everything I have read so far, it sucks, big time.
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