Yep, that sums up the last couple of days. After the treatment the weekend of hell follows. So tired, fatigued, angry, emotional, pissed off... you name it, I feel it.
The hardest part is the kids. My patience level is zero, I can't stand the littlest things like loud talking, then I loose it. Thankfully I can sit down with the kids and remind them how much I love them, that none of this it their fault. We all have to remember this hell I am going through is temporary, but not short enough as far as im concerned right now.
My hubby has taken the kids swimming again... its great... just wish I could join them. Its hard to be standing on the outside, watching the world you once were part of go by. I dont have the energy to do anything right now, climbing the stairs is a chore.
So yep... I HATE THIS... but i'm allowed to, because it really does suck... so much sometimes I can't even put it into words.
I know where you're coming from - my patience level during chemo has been waaaay below my norm too. And I can commiserate on the lack of tolerance for noise and such. There are times when I go into the kid's corner bedroom and lay down to get away from all the TV and kid noise usually going on in our bedroom. I've pretty much come to consider this my "lost summer", since I haven't had the energy or stamina to do much since starting chemo 5 months ago. It's a marathon, not a sprint. But every treatment is one less to go...
ReplyDeleteI completely understand what you are saying..especially the world going by that you used to be a part of....SO TRUE!!! You are right that it is just temporary. I keep reminding myself of that fact when I am having a hard time (this weekend was the worst yet after treatment for me!) I only have 2 more left, but right now it seems impossible. Hang in there!!!
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