I made it to my 1/2 way mark!!

Woohoo!!!!

Half way done killing this beast inside me!

Treatment today was not as smooth as my other times. My veins decided to be uncooperative. Took 3 needles, 1/2 hour and 2 nurses to get  good vein. If getting the good vein keeps the pain away in a week, then its worth it! I want to have another good week after I recover here!

gonna keep this short as my brain isn't reaching the keyboard to well... thank goodness for spellcheck!

Oh... PET scan next week... looking forward to some good results!!

Had a very good week!

So the past week has been a good one for me! It seems so weird to be writing that after the past 6 weeks beforehand not being all that pleasant, even in my good week!

So this week I had zero pain!! Woohoo!!! And my energy levels seemed to be higher than before as well. That may be in part that I was not in pain!

So today I spent a couple hours out scrapbooking after I went to the gym to say hi to my old workout buddies! It was nice to say hi to everyone, even though I couldn't stay and work out. That is a part of my life I really miss right now.

Been out shopping a few times over the week as well which has been fun! I found a great new scarf for my head too!

Oh, yea, my mother looked at my hair the other night and says " you look like a porcupine with a haircut" We all laughed so hard! So here is the porcupine hair!

I look so much balder on these pictures!! Or maybe the mirror lies to me, lol

So all in all I did have a good week. People are amazed at how good I look and how well I am tolerating treatment. The bad days are bad, I know that, as do my close friends and family. But this week the good days were really good!

I am slowly going crazy....

or is that fastly going crazy! I am going absolutely bonkers right now. My mind is back to racing and wanting to do all the stuff I used to be able to do. The body is back in un-cooperate mode. This makes for me going stir crazy!!!

I have not been sleeping well at night, everything and anything seems to wake me up now... very annoying to say the least! And then during the day I cannot sleep (never have been able to), so I feel like I am at the losing end of the battle here.

All I want to do is something!! But I have zero energy!! Im tired of sitting on the couch!! AHHHHHHH

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

OK, that makes me feel a little better.

Oh, and on another note... chemo brain, yep, it does exist!

Treatment #3

is done!!! Almost at my 1/2 way point... I can't wait!!

So today was like the others... hooked up to the IV for about 5 hours. All the injections went well. We found a juicy vein to try to help with the pain I have been having following. If in doubt, I do have the good painkillers now!!

A little more tired after this time around. I guess it really does start to hit you harder the more you go through it. I am enjoying the part of treatment where my hubby and I sit and watch a new release movie. This week we watched Thor... really enjoyed it! I find it helps to take the mind off what you are doing there... my advice would be to take a movie if anyone reading this has to go through the long infusions!

Time to get back to doing nothing, lol... thanks to my wonderful family I have the luxury of R&R whenever I need it. This is the most invaluable thing for me :)

Check-up #1

Just got back from my first check- up since I started chemo.

The bad news is, yep, im gaining weight. Not everybody loses weight while on chemo... sounds like lots are actually in the same boat as me, so thats good to hear! I figure its better to eat now while I want to just incase thats changes down the road!

The good news... my nodes are shrinking. The dr. is pretty confident right now that the treatment is working. This is quite a relief. We of course wont know anything for sure until my PET scan next month, but he did seem quite happy with the progress so far.

As for my side effects, we are still going to try to mix up things a little tomorrow to see if we can actually avoid the arm I pain get. He figures its vein pain and phlebitis. Looking at the rest of the effects he says I am doing quite well in that department as well... yah!!

So go me... I am going through hell for a good reason!

It's all going away...

My hair that is... not that is much left to lose now. It has been falling out with a vengeance the last couple of days. Woke up this morning to lots of little hairs all over my pillow... ewww.....

Even though this is all expected to happen, it does still suck. I know my head has a nice shape, and it looks pretty good shaved... but im still worried how it will actually look completely bald... need to learn how to do a scarf thing for my head... internet research here I come!

As for my pain issues, went to the walk in clinic friday for some help. We have me on Percocet now for the pain. It helps. My pain isnt lasting as long as last time either, so thats nice. Starting to feel better all ready...

More tired this time around though... maybe i pushing myself too much... who knows!

This pain can kiss my ass

Well, some things I am finding come around like clockwork while your on chemo. The most annoying thing is this stupid nerve pain I get in my arm on day 7. It really sucks. And if its like last time it will start to go away right in time for my next infusion. And then the cycle starts again. For my bad week I have no pain, so my good week I am in pain. This really sucks!

So besides the pain I am doing good right now. Had a great day today with friends. Loving the hot weather even though the sun and I don't get along so well anymore.

Well the pain is flaring up so im keeping it short... goodnight :)

Saying goodbye to the mohawk!

SO I had to say goodbye to my awesome mohawk this morning. It was getting to be to hard to style. I would put in the gel and end up with a handful of hair... ewwww...

So here is the shaved head... not as bad as I would have thought!!

And my hubby said its nice and easy to shave, no funny bumps, so thats nice to know!

I HATE THIS!!!!

Yep, that sums up the last couple of days. After the treatment the weekend of hell follows. So tired, fatigued, angry, emotional, pissed off... you name it, I feel it.

The hardest part is the kids. My patience level is zero, I can't stand the littlest things like loud talking, then I loose it. Thankfully I can sit down with the kids and remind them how much I love them, that none of this it their fault. We all have to remember this hell I am going through is temporary, but not short enough as far as im concerned right now.

My hubby has taken the kids swimming again... its great... just wish I could join them. Its hard to be standing on the outside, watching the world you once were part of go by. I dont have the energy to do anything right now, climbing the stairs is a chore.

So yep... I HATE THIS... but i'm allowed to, because it really does suck... so much sometimes I can't even put it into words.

Ahhhhh Sleep is a wonderful thing!

So I had a much better sleep last night. Slept like a baby for 8.5 hours!! It was so nice to wake up and feel kinda refreshed.

So now im waiting for the heavy fatigue to set in. I find it usually hits today at some point, im thinking it because I dont take the steroid after last night... its the one that causes insomnia and keeps me going a little during the day.

On a very positive note, still no nausea!! The drugs in that department work wonders... maybe too well, as I am afraid to step on a scale with the way I eat recently!! Guess its much better than the alternative though!

Another positive thing right now is the great support I am getting from friends... some of these friends were more of an acquaintance to start, and now some great friendships are forming... you know who are you are and I am thankful to you for coming into my life right now instead of running away :)

Rough night last night

Had a very rough night last night. Started with an emotional breakdown at bedtime. Just going through my normal bedtime routine and I start crying. No real reason except that I am 31 with cancer, and it sucks!! I guess that enough to make anyone breakdown every once and awhile.

If that wasn't bad enough, I had insomia, which lead to a crappy 4 hours of split sleep... damn drugs! And while I was awake I had heartburn, damn spaghetti, lol

So today my head is doing ok, but man am I tired.

I started a book last night that was recommended. Its called 'Everything Changes - the insiders guide to cancer in your 20s and 30s'.  So far its good, but not something I can sit and read cover to cover, but its nice to hear other peoples stories and know you are not alone in all the challenges you face while dealing with cancer so young.

And on the young note, still the youngest around getting treatment. The others receiving treatment have at least 20 years on me... at this point I don't know if they are looking at me cause im young or if its the mohawk, lol...