Found my breaking point

I new it was a matter of time with all the shit going on in my life right now. I can't talk about it all, as some things are to remain private, but with the toll everything had taken on me today I lost it.

They have found a blood clot in my arm where the PICC line was, that was ok, we have started blood thinner injections and it can be controlled and hopefully resolved that way. Well this morning I went to the ER to get my lovely injection (not able to do it to myself, at least not yet, something about causing myself pain with needles doesn't work with me mentally, lol),  and  I mention that my breathing is a little different, hurts a bit to breathe deeply and weird random chest pains. So they take me in and do and EKG, all looks good there. Dr figures maybe the clot is embolising  in my lungs a bit, but since treatment would be what I am doing that unless things get extreme we will just see how things go. No problem. Thought this might be the breaking point didn't you... nope, not yet.

So after this I have my lung function test... well after talking with the person who does it, she consults with my Vancouver team and they decide to postpone it until we know if anything is going on in my lungs. So I get the phone call on the way home that they want to do a PE (pulmonary embolism ) CT scan. Ok, no problem, still doing fine.

Go back to the hospital for the 3rd time today. Warn the tech I have bad veins, no problem... she tried once and decided to get the full-time guy who was on supervisor duty that day to try as he is much better than her... no problem. He tries the same vein, no luck, catheter  would not feed up into the vein once he got it. After some pain and digging he gives up. Asks about the other side, where the clot is... Im not sure if we can use it I tell him. Consults with the radiologist, they decide if they can find a good vein there is it should be fine to use it... so we heat up that side, find a nice juicy vein and he gets it... or so we thought... no blood return... try the saline flush again... ouch... im in extreme pain all of a sudden... the vein is gone...

I lost it... nothing like lying on a stretcher crying because they cant get a stupid vein. This is what has put me over the edge, my mind has said no more.

Luckily the radiologist and my Vancouver team both agreed enough. The radiologist is quite sure we are not dealing with a PE so we can wait till Monday to do this study with my regular CT scheduled. They are booking me into the chemo nurse to try to get the IV that day. If it doesn't work again, we will put it on hold till I get a line in while im in Vancouver and do it then.

So who knew it would be something as stupid and not getting a vein in to push me over, I sure didn't, lol... but I think Im about done with all these little extra crappy things on top of everything else right now.